My commitment to posting blog updates more regularly was short lived. But I guess I should have expected as much considering the fact that we are (still) in the process of building an entire house.
When Rachel and I moved to the property at the end of March, we were expecting a few quick months of roughing it (i.e. no running water, no bathroom, no shower) before being in the lovely new home that we willed into existence. In retrospect, we were a bit naïve, or at least, we put too much stock in idealized timelines.
Here we are, 6 months later and about two weeks away from our wedding (which is taking place here on the property in NH), and we are still in the thick of it. We are so close—one service wire, a septic inspection, and a well pump away—but we certainly did not expect to be this close to the wedding and still working on the house.
Still, we are closing in on the end now and after several feverish months of really hard, really constant physical labor, I finally feel as if I have a few moments to step back, reflect and begin to process the fact that we really have built the house that we began imagining some two years ago. That is no small thing.
I have learned a lot in this process. There are of course, the technical things I have learned, like how to run electric and install a chimney and hang drywall and lay tile. But there are also the things that I have learned about myself.
The first is something that I have known for awhile, but this process has helped to solidify: I was made to work. And I am good at it. I may not be excel at many things, but I can swing hammers and move stone and toil with the best of them. Still, the ability to do this kind of hard labor is not as valued in other arenas of my life. After all, in my day job as a researcher, my work is more about thought and communication. It is still labor, don’t get me wrong, and it is exhausting at times, but in a completely different way. To me, both physical and intellectual labor have a creative component, and that is the part I relish in each, but they scratch different itches. Both can be a slog at times—real Type 2 kind of fun—but I am good at slogging, whether through my body or my mind. It is something I am still quite proud of in myself. I need both kinds of labor in my life to balance each other out and to keep me content and engaged.
The second thing that I have learned about myself through this process I am less proud of. It is the fact that sometimes I get so focused on the task at hand that literally everything else goes out the window. If it is a short-term project, this can actually be a good thing. But if it is a long-term project, like months and months of building a house, then I have a tendency to bear down until the thing is finally dragged across the finish line. In the meantime, everything else—including my ability to rest, to take time to enjoy life, to manage my mental and physical health—all of it gets shirked. It is not a great combo of things and tends to lead me to the point of burnout, which I have been staving off for what seems like a few months now. I need to get better at giving myself space and time and being more personally gracious. Cause life is nothing but an endless series of projects—some big, some small. There will be plenty of rest to be had when I am dead, but before that, it doesn’t hurt to build in some time off. A little bit of r-and-r never hurt.
The last big thing I have learned through this process is that, while I don’t know how to do a lot of things, I am still very open to being taught. This is not a skill that was super aware of before. I mean, it doesn’t even seem like a skill, really. But I realize now how valuable it has been for me over the years. There is humility that comes with admitting you don’t know how to do something. And even more in asking someone for help. Not everyone is great at that—in fact, some people are really bad at it. But this is something that my father really helped to instill in me as a kid. I am happy to say, it seems to have stuck. I think when you try to tackle something big, like building a house for the first time, it is impossible to not be overwhelmed by the number of things you don’t know. To overcome this, both Rachel and I have had to constantly seek advice, guidance and help from so many of our friends and family. And being open to being taught new things by people that know better is a skill that has helped us out immensely. Mistakes will still be made even with the best guidance, but you stand a better chance of doing a better job the first time if you allow yourself to learn from those that have done these things before.
Overall, though, if there is a single lesson that I will take out of this experience it is this: IT IS NOT ADVISABLE TO BUILD A HOUSE AND GET MARRIED IN THE SAME YEAR/AT THE SAME TIME. Give yourself a little wiggle room—like a year or two—just in case. Luckily, I will never have to do either ever again.
Below is a short gallery of some of the finishing details around the house that I am most proud of. The first is the bathtub with some beautiful tile work that we did (the tiles look like the surface of Jupiter) and cedar wood towel hangers for accent. The second is the wood stove that we installed, complete with red granite slabs and grey granite tiles for a fire back which we cut and mortared ourselves. The third is the same gray granite tiling as a backsplash for the stove, which I cannot wait to cook on. And the last is our open kitchen layout with oak cabinets and butcher block counter tops.
